I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize