There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
