Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize