Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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