Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
