Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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