I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize