so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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