Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
