Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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