They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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