Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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