THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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