Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
