So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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