He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
