I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
