The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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