I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
