My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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