I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
