I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
