hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
