Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
