Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
even my farts smell like vagina
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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