so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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