Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
