Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
