My first STD was from a foam party
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
