Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
