I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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