In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
