What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
