....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
