Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
