Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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