I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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