I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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