my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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