Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
