Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
