You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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