ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
