I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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