last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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