jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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