The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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