i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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