idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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