and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize