i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she told me i tasted like america
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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