i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
