1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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