I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
