i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
