oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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