he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
