Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
