We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize