Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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