just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
